I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
