Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
