i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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