thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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