I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she peed on how many people?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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