You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
