I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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