She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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