There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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