Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
