We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
