im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
