After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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