My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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