Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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