Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
