why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
