people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
