Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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