1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
