Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
