I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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