As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
