Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at about main and main street
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
