im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
