At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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