I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
