Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
