i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
