So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
a search helicopter?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
