i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
