I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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