i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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