At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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