She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
