when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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