I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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