Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
