the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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