Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
