Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
