I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
