but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
