dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
