Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
