oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
