He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
