omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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