Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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