I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
